I never been hurt so much before. Never been asked to make a tough decision in life involving my future.
But now yes. I do have to. I feel so hurt inside that I could barely speak, barely do anything.
All i ever wanted was to have a quiet space of my own to do my own things, to have some joy.
Is this too much to ask for?
Each time I think about everywhere I go and not being able to be myself. Be who I want to be.
I feel so crushed and defeated. I have a low self-esteem. I admit it. I don't love the way things are right now. I feel paranoid every now and then. Sometimes when I see people whispering talks and voices, I begin to wonder "is it me"...
tell me how not crushed is that.
Now, my decision is whether to stay or move on. Stay because I still love him. Stay because I believe in our future. But right now, I m in a bleak state. Moving on because I am tired of all these happening. So what if he is a bloody good catch or someone who can consequently become my soul mate. I am exhausted. This commitment may fairly well take me nowhere.
How could i ever be happy thinking of all these stuffs. I need guidance, I need help badly.
I need faith most importantly.
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